I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
