Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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