Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
