At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
