What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
