i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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