If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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