this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
