Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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