i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
