Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Two words: blizzard sex
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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