Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wish I could teleport
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.