I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
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Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
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We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?