I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.