found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
bring money and cleavage
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
