i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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