im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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