oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
