The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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