Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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