Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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