I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
