sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
