Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize