She is in my trunk
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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