we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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