dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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