Porn is love you can see.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
