I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize