By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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