I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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