You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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