Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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