That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
