I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
