i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
