Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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