The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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