my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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