I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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