so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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