talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
