I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
