I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize