No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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