just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
