Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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