dude i'm inner monologue high
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
