How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
