I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the day after is always just damage control
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
