My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
