Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
