We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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