So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
