I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
