I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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