Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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