6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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