There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
