I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
