Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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