woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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