I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
