$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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